7 Things I’ve Learned In 2020 So Far

Are you asking how I could have learned 7 things already and its only February? Well honey, last month when I said 2020 was trying me I meant it. Some of these things I learned on my own but others my therapist assisted with the revelation. So, let’s just get into it….

A moment in the past is just that I’ve noticed that I tend to get stuck in moments. I will let one good moment outweigh a ton of bad ones. I compare my current situation and feelings to moments that happened years ago and ask myself what happened. When I know full well that the time between then and now was no picnic, but that one good time just won’t leave my mind and heart. It’s kind of like when you know something is bad for you, but you want it anyway. You don’t want to admit to the fact that you wasted time and energy on something that you knew was never for you and would never work out. 

People will portray themselves to be whomever they want you to believe they are I feel like as women we get so wrapped up in the potential that we see in someone that we tend to overlook or disregard the red flags. Some people are great at living double lives and keeping secrets. It’s hard to know who you can trust when one person breaks your trust. If I really wanted to I could write this blog in a way that you may believe that I’ve got it all together and life all figured out. But that is the total opposite of who I am. I choose to be transparent and real because I feel like I don’t get much of that when interacting with people. I’m trying my best to be the change I want to see. You have to trust your instinct when it comes to dealing with people, because you never know what version of a person you’re getting. If you feel like something is suspect or your gut is telling you to leave it alone, listen to it. 

Oh, and please, please, please don’t be like me and be in situations where someone clear as day tells you something about them and you don’t believe it because it’s not what you want to hear. 

Male friends are necessary If you are a female and you don’t have a really good male friend, stop reading this and GET YOU ONE! Nah but for real finish reading this, then go find one. I am so thankful for the genuine guy friends in my life. They have helped me level up on a few different levels. Something about them and their support makes me feel like I can do anything. Their honesty can be harsh sometimes but it’s so beneficial. They are a real life cheat code when it comes to dating, friendships, situationships or whatever with the opposite sex. I used to be so aggressive and sassy with everything until I started telling my best friend about things as they were happening and the understanding he provides of the male mind is mind blowing. He really gets me together and I’m much softer and easier to get along with lol. Since one guy can’t know it all and give me all of the perspectives, I also have a co-worker that is more like a brother. He fills in the gap and also gets me together. I truly feel that there is a serious gap in communication when it comes to men and women and having friends of the opposite sex to have real honest conversations with provides so much clarity and understanding that you probably won’t get on your own.

The people you surround yourself with should help you achieve the life you want without really trying So, I have some really good friends and I don’t use the word “friend” loosely. All of my friends add something to my life. They have a way of encouraging me and pushing me to do and be more without intentionally trying. I see the things they have and are doing and it motivates me to go out and get my own. They have their “thing” and watching them grow, succeed, and walk in their destiny drives me to find my “thing” and do the same. They keep me grounded and don’t judge me for staying in my feelings lol. I’m the emotional one and I’m ok with that. We all need balance amongst our friends. Everybody can’t be everything. 

I minimize my level of effort and feelings This was actually supposed to be two different lessons but it all goes together. This one came from my therapist. During a session a few weeks ago, I broke down and I kept saying “I thought I was ok” and “I just want to be over it” and she said “you have to stop minimizing your hurt and level of effort”. It wasn’t until that session that I realized that I actually do that a lot. I tell others and myself that I’m ok because I want to force myself to be ok. I make jokes in order to disguise my feelings. I try to act like I’m not bothered by the fact that my efforts are generally not reciprocated. I make excuses for other’s actions and inactions. Doing this leads to me not holding people accountable and letting the feelings build until I can’t function properly. That’s something that I have to work on for my mental and physical health. Which leads me to number 6….

It’s ok to no be ok I feel like I say this in every post, but here it goes again…. feel all of the feelings and adjust. It’s ok to have a bad day or to have moments throughout the day. It’s ok to cry, take some time to be alone, or whatever helps to restore your equilibrium. Be selfish and put yourself first. You’re no good to anyone if you’re not happy and trying to hide and hold in your feelings. Find something that you enjoy that can take your mind off of whatever the situation is. For me that’s the gym. I go at 6am to at least start my day on a good note. When I’m at the gym I’m not focusing on outside factors and it helps that dropping weights and throwing medicine balls is perfectly acceptable. 

My idea to fruition cycle is around 4 years I am a person that comes up with great ideas. I even make plans for the ideas but I suck at the follow through part. My ideas tend to follow me and come up at various times. I usually share these ideas with people and I often hear “I’ve heard you say you were going to do that before.” For example, this blog. In my first post I talked about how I had the idea to start a blog in 2015…well 4 years later, I did it. I have had conversations with friends about a project I want to work on and that idea came about in 2016, soooooo stay tuned for that! I could say that I procrastinate really bad and I should put some action behind my ideas sooner, but I truly believe that things happen when they’re supposed to. The action comes when I’m able to put my all into the project and am open to receiving all that can come from it. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that I’ve had some drama since starting this blog. Without it would I even have anything to say?

These are the lessons that I have learned or have had to revisit these past 2 months. Life is so unpredictable but I’m grateful for the moments be it good, bad, or ugly. I know that better is always coming and I won’t appreciate the better unless I go through the worst. 

Until next time,

Sparks