Not My Daddy

November 11, 2013 is a day I will never forget.  It started out as a regular day. I was off work for Veterans Day so I went to High Point to visit my sister and nephew. I rode with my sister to Durham and hung out with her for a few hours. On my drive back to Charlotte I laughed and joked with my mom as we usually do. I had been home for less than 30 minutes when my sister called and said, “Are you sitting down?” I told her yes and she continued to say “daddy passed away”. Just like it was five minutes ago I clearly remember saying, “who daddy? Not my daddy!”. At that moment my life changed forever. I remember talking to my brother and us developing a plan to get to Kenansville. I was to drive to High Point and leave my car then ride with him to Kenansville. On the way to High Point everything that was changing ran through my head: “He won’t walk me down the aisle” “He’ll never meet my child” “I don’t have a daddy anymore”. 

My grandmother that I was very close to passed away just a few years before. So, this wasn’t my first experience with loss, but it was so different. Losing a parent leaves a void that no one can fill. I had no idea I had so many unresolved feelings about it until I started going to therapy and we unpacked everything. My dad was great. No, he wasn’t perfect but he was perfect for me. He taught me to be independent and work for everything I want. I never went without as a child and I watched both of my parents go to work to take care of me and my three siblings. My dad was the life of the party, definitely an extrovert, and was always in a good mood. He taught me to live life unapologetically. For the first 2 years after he passed I would go sit at his grave and talk to him every time I went home. He was the biggest Redskins fan I had ever met, so I made sure his gravesite showed his love for his Redskins. Today I am a Redskins fan and I’m proud of it. 

I think about my dad often and I miss him more than I can express. I got through the first sentence of this blog and the tears started. Any time I’m on social media and see that someone has lost a parent my heart absolutely breaks for them. It still isn’t easy not having him here but it has definitely gotten easier on a daily basis. Getting to this point has taken a lot of work. If you are a daughter who has lost a father, or anyone going through the grieving process I recommend the following: 

• Talk to someone about it
• Don’t hide your emotions
• Take advantage of your support system
• Don’t feel bad about having good days or moments
• Figure out the things that make you feel closer to them and hold onto those things dearly
• Remember and relish in the good moments and memories
• Celebrate their life 
• Take it one day at a time

Remember you’re not alone. There are plenty of us out there, so reach out to someone. My therapist has become an intricate part of my life and I love her like an auntie. Truth be told I’ve been thinking about this blog post since Father’s Day and being that yesterday, July 18^thwas my dad’s birthday, I had to get it out and share my story for someone that has dealt with or may be dealing with the loss of a parent or loved one. 

Until the next time, comment, share, and be the spark you want to feel!