Friends….How Many of Us Have Them?

Urban Dictionary defines a friend as: someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.

Over the years my thoughts on friendship has changed. I had to start drawing the line between friends and associates. Now at the ripe age of 33, that line has become bolder. Through the years “friendships” have ended and others have grown stronger. I used to feel like I needed closure or to fix issues when things didn’t feel right but I had to realize that I can only do my part. If we haven’t talked in a while, I will reach out but if there is no response, I’m moving on. I mean unfriending on Facebook and unfollowing on Instagram and Snapchat. I am no longer holding onto old people and their issues. If you feel I have wronged you in any way, I won’t know unless you want to talk about it; therefore, your issue is not my issue. A part of having peace is knowing when things, situations, and people no longer serve you. 

In 2013, I moved to Charlotte, NC and started a new life. I only knew a few people there so finding friends was a must. There was this one girl at work that was so nice. Little did I know that within the next few months I would have a new best friend. She has the biggest heart and I love her dearly for that. My other best friend I’ve known for 15 years. We have a long history that has had its ups and downs. We have since become legit best friends. 

The past week (this was originally written in May) has been extremely hard for me because I haven’t been able to physically be there for my friend that was mourning the sudden death of her boyfriend. After two weeks of traveling I was exhausted but nothing was going to stop me from going to the funeral. People I talked to would ask if I was sure I wanted to go, or say things like “I’m sure she will understand”. I knew she would understand but me going was as much for her as it was for me. I needed to be able to see her with my own eyes and hug her to know that she was ok (as much as she could be anyway). I was able to do just that and I don’t regret the 14-hour drive at all. 

The highlight of my trip was sitting down and having dinner with both of my best friends. They had met before, because everyone at our old job knew of him, but we had never done anything together. She actually laughed and joked with us and told me her thoughts about our upcoming vacation to make things easier on me, and he was a trooper that chauffeured us around without any complaints. Those are the people that I want to be surrounded by. 

Being someone’s friend should be easy. It should be effortless and not require much thought. If either of them need anything they know they can call on me and vice versa. My guy friend even told me to let my girl friend know that if she needs anything to call him. That’s what friends do!! You shouldn’t have to question your place or importance in someone’s life. I said all of that to say that I totally agree with Urban Dictionary. Respect, trust, honesty, and loyalty are the key to growing successful adult relationships. It’s easy to identify the type of friend someone is to you. I challenge you to look at the type of friend you are to others. 

Until the next time, comment, share, and be the spark you want to feel!