Where Have I Been?

It’s been around 6 weeks since my last post and that was never my intention. When I was planning the execution of this blog I told myself I didn’t want to create a schedule for posting that would overwhelm me. I wrote a couple of posts so I would already have some ready to relieve some of the pressure, but then life…. You know how everything will be going good and then all of a sudden life says “nah, it’s been too easy”. I was supposed to have a post the day after my birthday, but clearly that didn’t happen.  I found myself in a familiar but yet unknown space. Familiar because I have dealt with depression and anxiety for a while and most times I have a pretty good hold on it, but this time it took over.  The mind space was unknown because nothing happened, all of a sudden, I just wasn’t motivated to do anything and I didn’t have much interest in anything. At one point I remember telling myself you should blog about this but I couldn’t find the words. I couldn’t pinpoint how I felt. Was I sad, mad, upset, disappointed, none of these, or all of the above? I didn’t know and I honestly still don’t. Buttttt I’m back and trying to get my life back together.

One thing that was emphasized during that time was the fact that I need to make myself more of a priority. I can’t rely on other people to make me happy or fulfill voids. So what steps am I taking to make myself a priority? I workout 3-5 times a week now. I have been doing 3 days for the last month and a half, but I decided this week to add another day. To be perfectly honest, if I ate like I had some sense I’d be super fine by now. However, if you know me you know I ain’t got too much do right in me, but that is about to change. I am dedicating the next 25 days to eating right combined with working out. Why 25 days? Because it takes 21 days to form a habit and I’m hard headed so I need a couple extra days. Plus, my mom and I are going to the State Fair just to eat *insert shrug emoji*.  Self-esteem and feeling like I’m not enough are things that I have been battling for years. So, my first step is to love what I see in the mirror. I think it’s so important to identify the areas where you are lacking and develop a plan to overcome that shortcoming. This is a crucial step in self-awareness. We’ll talk about self-awareness next time. 

When life gets tough it is hard to see how you’re going to get through so the key (for me) is to live in the moment. Feel all of the feelings. Evaluate. Then eventually things will get clearer and that dark cloud with start to move on. It’s not easy, but it’s a necessary part of life. 

Until next time, comment, share, and be the spark you want to feel!